Alphabetical List of Chapters

                              Click on chapter number to be transported immediately to that essay

A Chance to Help Others Ch.246

A Covid Outbreak at The Refuge Includes Pat and Then Ron Ch.135

A Death in the Family  Ch.140

A Feeling of Helplessness   Ch.65

A Fisherman Named Grief Reels Me In  Ch.161

A Good Day to Remember Ch.131

A Good Sign: I Realize I Am Not Alone in Grieving Ch.163

A Joyful Musical Memory  Ch.186

A Lesson in Humility: Ron the Caregiver Needs Care  Ch.132

A Note to Judy Ch.187

A Pretty Good Life  Ch.192

A Rainbow Appears Just When I Need It  Ch.171

A Sad Day At the Refuge   Ch. 122

A Woman On My Arm  Ch.249

Second Christmas without Pat Ch.232

A Simple Gesture of Respect Ch.110

A Sudden Setback and a Big decision for Ron  Ch.127

Acceptance: Yes; Passivity: No   Ch.20

Adding Structure Challenges Lack of Initiative Caused by Lewy Body. Ch.23

Am I Abandoning Pat?  Ch.212

Am I a Helicopter Husband?     Ch.2

An Emotional Roller Coaster Day  Ch.72

An Unexpected Invitation Ch.214

An Unpleasant Surprise: I May Have Cancer  Ch.200

Are we Still On the Same Team?   Ch.85

Beautiful Service, Somber Burial, Unending Grief  Ch.157

Being Lost is Not a Great Experience Ch.78

Blackcap Pie, Memory Loss and Confusion.     Ch.28

Caregiver Meltdown   Ch.26

Care Partner Goals: Safety, Pleasure, Joy. Ch.58

Chasing After My Horse and Wondering About My Future  Ch.168

Creative Dining the Lewy Body Way.  Ch.133

Critical Decisions: Pat and Levi Ch.211

Dangerous Territory: Watching "My Name is Otto"  Ch.182

Depression and Lewy Body.       Ch.16

Disheartening Morning; Somber Afternoon; Beautiful Evening.  Ch. 100

Doing OK But a Little Empty  Ch.190

Don't Leave a Mess Behind  Ch.198

Eighteen Months a Widower  Ch.233

Empathy for a Couple Dealing with Dementia. Ch.170

Ending My Widower Identity Ch.247

Ending our Book on a Positive Note.. and Starting Another.  Ch.52

Every Caregiver Needs an Overload Specialist.   Ch.80

Everything Goes Wrong  Ch.201

Exhaustion and Relief   Ch. 64

Evidence of Healing Ch.221

Feeling Empty on Pat's Birthday Ch.216

Feeling Normal Feels Great  Ch. 203

First Airplane Flight After Pat's Death Ch.199

First Christmas Without Pat Ch.178

First Pat and Then Ron Join a Memory Choir    Ch.15

Frustration. Ch.83

Get Me Through December  Ch.197

Getting Stuck in the Courtyard Brings Back a Sad Memory Ch.145

Good Day/Bad Day: The Lewy Body Roller Coaster is Still Operating.  Ch.139

Good Days.   Ch.4

Good News: Pat Lodges One Complaint and Makes Two Requests.  Ch.119

Good Signs That I am Returning to Life  Ch.167

Goodbye to Geezer and Crone  Ch.244

Grief is Like Three Trees  Ch.240

Grievers' Enemy: Lonely Weekends    Ch.215

Hallucinations from Outside and Inside    Ch.1

Hanging On or Getting Through My Loss?  Ch.207

Happy Memories Don't Have to Make Me Sad  Ch.164

Heartache Ch.158

Here's What We've been Avoiding Telling You   Ch.105

Hoping for a Miracle   Ch.74

Hospice. Ch.117

How Can We Keep Pat involved in the Conversation?  Ch. 70

I Am a Witness who Can't Witness  Ch.183

I Can No Longer Keep Lakota Safe Ch.188

I Can See Pat Better Now Ch.228

I Feel Too Full of Feelings  Ch.219

I Give Away 150 Bales of Hay  Ch. 209

I Love You, Sometimes. Ch.141

I Still Cannot Separate "Alone" from "Lonely."  Ch.179

I Think I Did OK but Not Better Than OK Ch.68

I Visit Pat's Grave on Her Birthday. Ch.165

I Wasn't Talking in  My Sleep. I Was Talking in Your Sleep Ch.35

I Watch a Couple Holding hands -- and I Remember  Ch.162

I Wonder What I've Missed  Ch.134

If You Don't Laugh, You'll Cry.   Ch. 24

I'm Grateful for All Those Who Care about Me.  Ch.227

I'm Grateful We Can Still Disagree  Ch.69

I'm Here at The Refuge, Aren't I, to Stay Ch.108

I'm Ready to be Gone Ch.123

I'm Scared to Travel Away from Pat   Ch.19

It's a Good Thing we are Both Introverts  Ch.54

Keep On Trucking but I Won't Regret a Thing Ch.25

Keeping "Victories" and "Defeats" in Perspective  Ch.126

Lakota, My Horse, has Died  Ch.245

Letting Go of a Great Resentment  Ch.193

Levi Hasn't Eaten for Three Days  Ch.206

Lewy Body Affects Pat's Sense of Time. Ch.46

Lewy Body Dialogue Talk   Ch.250

Lewy Body Helps Pat Find a  Way to Honor her Deceased Brother  Ch.86

Life is Good  Ch.243

Loneliness Panic Attack Ch.231

Looking Ahead to an Uncertain Future  Ch.172

Looking into the Void: Pat's Blank Stare Scares Ron Ch.142

Many Small Frustrations  Ch.51

McKenzie Maria McGillicutty: How to Have a Little Fun When it is Hard Finishing Your Sentences. Ch.104

More Losses Coming  Ch.241

Mornings Can Be Unpredictable in our Lewy Body World.   Ch.43

Mortality.  Ch.13

Mother's Day Memories Ch.202

My Friend Howard's Joyful End of Life  Ch.194

My Horse is in Trouble. Ch.242

My Twin Brother and My New Life Ch.229

My Grieving Brain  Ch.223

My Two Worlds Ch.213

Need for Support, The  Ch.5

Night Out with the Guys Ch.237

Noise   Ch.3

Not Driving --  A Blow to Pat's Spirit   Ch.18

Now What Will Give Meaning to My Life?  Ch.160

One Year Anniversary of Pat's Death  Ch.204

Our Children Want Us to Move into the City  Ch.47

Our 58th Anniversary Ch.208

Our Two Truths are like Oil and Water  Ch.48

Pat and I Go Shopping Together for the First Time in Over a Year  Ch.84

Pat and Judy's Radiant Smiles  Ch. 225

Pat and I have a Serious Conversation about Death and Loneliness  Ch.111

Pat and I Watch a Movie whose Main Character has Dementia   Ch. 75

Pat and Ron Confront the Corona Virus Ch.21

Pat Asks Ron How He has been Affected by Her Lewy Body. Ch.40

Pat Begins Taking a Strong Pain Reliever. Ch.109

Pat Calls Me "Dad" and that Feels OK.   Ch.53

Pat Cannot Say Ron's Name  Ch.118

Pat Develops a Serious Auto-Immune Disorder   Ch.62

Pat Eats Little but seems Unconcerned Ch.91

Pat Forgets but then She Remembers  Ch.71

Pat Guides Me Through the Desert Ch.230

Pat has a Second Syncope Episode --but Doesn't Remember It.   Ch.61

Pat Has Almost Two Pain Free Hours and Ron Begins to Relax Ch.114

Pat is Taken Off  Opioid Pain Medication and Immediately Functions Better  Ch.120

Pat has Gumption   Ch.63

Pat is Home with Me in my Heart. Ch.103

Pat is Transferred to a Rehab Facility  Ch. 98

Pat Joins a Memory Choir. Ch.36

Pat Keeps Losing Weight Even Though She Eats well Ch.144

Pat Moves to a Very Good Memory Care Center Ch.107

Pat No Longer Has the Ability to Help Write This Dialogue Ch.143

Pat Outwits a Would-Be Seducer  Ch. 88

Pat Potter-Efron Obituary  Ch.148

Pat Quietly Passes Away.  Ch.147

Pat Rallies and Says Something Beautiful   Ch.125

Pat Reads Nancy Drew to Ron  Ch.102.

Pat Realizes She's been Hallucinating Ch.34 

Pat Returns to the Hospital Ch. 97

Pat Still Gets to Choose  Ch.116

Pat Tells Me How Each Rock is Special  Ch.113

Pat Tells Me How She is Growing  Ch.96

Pat Tells Us She is in Charge Ch. 81

Pat Tells us about a Major Decision She Made.    Ch. 60

Pat Thinks Better than She Can Speak. Ch.112

Pat's Protectors Work Together to Help her Heal  Ch.130

Pat was Diagnosed with Lewy Body Exactly Four Years Ago Today Ch.137

Pat's Been Gone Exactly Six Months Today Ch.180

Pat's Last Gift  Ch.173

Pat's Lewy Body Brain  Ch.238

Pat's Younger Brother Kevin Just Died  Ch.79

Physical Intimacy -- Hugs and More   Ch.10

Please Worry Just a Little  Ch.220

Porch Bird Watching on the First Beautiful Spring Day of the Year   Ch.27

Pre-Arranging My Funeral  Ch.235

Questions for the New Year: 2019 and then 2020  Ch.9

Reading Still AliceCh.174

Remembering Pat During the Holiday Season  Ch.175

Reminiscences: "Tripping" with Pat  Ch.195

Ron and Don Discuss their Roles with their Wives Ch.90

Ron Becomes Anxious and Irritable   Ch.59

Ron Begins to Recover His Sense of Humor  Ch.169

Ron Feels a Premonition  Ch.146

Ron Goes  to a Quilting Show with a Friend  Ch.166

Ron Has a Panic Attack and Pat has a Urinary Tract Infection Ch.92

Ron, Lion Club Member   Ch.238

Ron Makes a Serious Mistake and then So Does Pat   Ch.37

Ron Refuses to Give Up Hope  Ch.138

Ron Reminds Pat of her Accomplishments Ch.89

Ron the Extrovert  Ch.226

Ron, You Used to be Funnier  Ch.129

Ron's Covid Fatigue Helps Him Understand How Lewy Body Affects Pat  Ch.136

Ron's Good Deed  Ch.248

Second Christmas Without Pat  Ch.232

Short- and Long-Term Memory issues Ch.56

"Showtime"   Ch.8

Slightly Unusual Behaviors   Ch.17

Slow Motion Panic Attack   Ch.49

Some Days You Just Want to Cry  Ch.6

Some Mornings are Full of People  Ch.30

Something Bad had happened to Lakota. And Pat has a Fall  Ch. 66

Spreading Out My Need for Affirmation Ch.185

Spring Colors and the Lewy Body Lifestyle   Ch. 87

Sudden Mood Changes   Ch. 22

Taste and Touch Connect Us  Ch.121

Tears of Love   Ch.106

The Apocalypse Arrived and Yet it was Not Apocalyptic  Ch. 39

The Body Keeps the Score Ch.77

The Gobbler and the Slowpoke: How Lewy Body Affects our Mealtimes.   Ch.76

The Shape of My Life is Emerging Ch.181

The Sound of a Goose's Flight Ch.251

The Story of Blackberry the Steer: How Pat Saved a Life and Gained a Large Friend   Ch 101

The Transition to the Assisted Living Center was Going Well --Until the Fire Alarm Went Off.  Ch.95

The Universality of Grief  Ch.177

Things Fall Apart  Ch.189

Thirteen Pounds of Salt  Ch.234

Three Grieving Men  Ch.205

Time is IN My Hands Ch.184

Time is Running Out  Ch.124

This is MY House   Ch.67

Three Acts of Generosity Help Me Feel Hopeful  Ch.191

Today's Surprise: Ron Gets a Heart Stent.   Ch.32


Twenty-Four Hours of Chaos  Ch.94

Two Exhausting Days    Ch.44

Two Surprise Visits from Pat  Ch.239

Two Rons     Ch.45

Unprepared for Life After Lewy Body: Ron's Fear of Boredom.  Ch.156

Wailing on the Day Pat Died  Ch.222

Waking Dreams, RBD, and Sleep Deprivation   Ch.14

Walking at Daybreak   Ch.224

Walking My Cat  Ch.210

Walking to the Creek to Talk with Pat  Ch.176

Watching Pat's Memory Choir Brings Sadness and  Joy  Ch.196

We are Still a Team   Ch.12

We're Ready to Accept Help Ch.93

What Comes Next?  The Lewy Body Sequencing Problem   Ch.11

What Happened to "Us" When Pat Died? Ch.218

What Was Supposed to Bring Pride Brings Shame Instead Ch. 38.

Who Would take Care of Pat If I Couldn't?       Ch.42

Who Should I Tell I have Lewy Body? Acceptance, Embarrassment, Shame and Trust    Ch.7

Why is Grief Such a Strange Feeling?  Ch.217

Why Is It so Hard for Pat to Make Choices?  Ch.82

Why Now? Pat has a Flare Up of her Auto-Immune Disease       Ch. 99

Working Together  Ch.55

Year End Review: A Lewy Body Year of Transition Ch.115

Coming Soon!