Ch.197 “Get Me Through December.”

April 2023

          Alison Krause is a blue grass singer with a beautiful soprano voice. This afternoon I listened to several of her songs, ending with a heart-rending ballad entitled “Get Me Through December.” The key phrase of the melody is “Get me through December…so I can start again.” To me, “December” here is metaphorical, referring to somehow surviving any particularly difficult time to find hope or meaning or joy again, or at least a chance for any of the above.

          I guess I’m going through December now in this first year of grieving. My head faces two ways, one part of me looking back to my life as a married man and the other trying to peer through the fog to get a glimpse of my future life. My new life, not necessarily a better life or a worse one, but certainly a different way of living and being. One question I have been pondering is how much Pat will remain in that new life? Will I continue thinking of her several times a day, or telling Pat good-morning and summarizing my day for her before bed, or randomly and spontaneously bubbling into tears of sadness? Will I ever feel more full than empty?

          I mentioned a few essays ago that I am leading a pretty good life. That is still true. Friends, family, animals, support groups, colored pencil drawing, organizing my minerals (into 110 containers), having reasonable health – all this is part of getting through December.

 It’s the “so I can start again” that confuses me.