June 2022
I have feared this moment, the instant when I must type the following message: Pat can no longer contribute her words to our dialogue.
Now, often Pat’s speech is too impaired for me to understand her; her thoughts seem jumbled when she can speak; her ability to comprehend what I write is limited by her cognitive deficits and short attentions span. The best I can hope for is a “yes” or “no” answer to any question I ask.
Perhaps “no longer contribute” is too strong a phrase because Lewy Body is such a fluctuating disease. With luck, on occasion, I may be able to converse with her for a little while about one of the blog pieces. However, I must begin treating the blog as more a monologue than a dialog. That takes pressure off Pat to say something meaningful each episode and off me attempting to make that happen.
“No longer contribute” is overstated in another way. This blog will always be about the two of us traversing Lewy Body’s hills and valleys. True, Pat may no longer have many words to share, but she still makes meaningful sounds, movements, and gestures. Yesterday, for instance, for the first time in weeks Pat slowly caressed my arm. I felt her love in that touch and it felt wonderful.
Ron’s words; Pat’s sounds, movements, gestures. We are still a team.