Ch.160 Good Signs I am Returning to Life
I have been feeling lately that I am gradually emerging from the fog created by death and grief. Its like I’m walking out of a patch of deep fog and into a stretch where there is still some cloudiness around me but at least I can see sunlight in the distance. I am coming back to life – to all the good feelings and experiences that await.
The first “living” part of me to return has been a strong desire to be around friends and family. At first, I needed people to comfort me, but now I want people with whom I can share thoughts and feelings.
Next to evolve has been a strong desire to do things, to be active – not just to escape my grief but to enjoy life. Last week I went on a little adventure, my first activity created by the local “Learning in Retirement” organization. I went to the Eau Claire Water Treatment facility alongside about 50 other retirees. I learned that our local drinking water would be colored brown from magnesium if that substance weren’t filtered out in the plant. Who knew? Today I’m going on my second Learning in Retirement trip, this time to an apple orchard.
And here’s another good sign. Yesterday my daughter Jenny and I began to put together a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, a colorful and imaginative rendering of our solar system. Pat and I often worked together on jigsaw puzzles; her gradual mental deterioration was marked first by her pace of finding pieces slowing, then by her frustration as she tried to force pieces into the wrong places, and finally by her loss of interest in the entire undertaking. One of my sad memories is rising out of bed after Pat was sleeping to take out the pieces Pat had misplaced earlier that evening. But yesterday, as I worked on the edge pieces while Jenny worked on colors (Pat never worked on edge pieces, by the way. They were boring. She too preferred working on colors or shapes), as we joked with each other about our different approaches, I felt myself walking a little further out of the fog.