Ch.85 Are We Still on the Same Team?
March 2021
The Lewy Body journey is a difficult one both for the affected individual and their care partner. However, I have felt all along that at least Pat and I are doing this together: sharing the challenges, communicating well, acting as a team. But lately our teamwork seems to be breaking down. Perhaps the best indicator is that each of us complains that the other is “yelling” at him or her. “Well, you started it.” “No, you yelled at me first” is hardly the formula for good communication.
Medication management has become difficult over the last few days. I’ll bring Pat’s morning or evening medications to her only for her to tell me that she’s already taken those medications, that I’d brought them to her earlier in the morning or evening and that she’s already consumed them. I disagree. She reaffirms her position. I tell her she’s wrong, feeling a sense of exasperation and probably showing it in my face and words. She raises her voice because she’s absolutely certain that she is right and is getting angry at my stubbornness. I ask her to take them anyway because when she misses her medications, she sometimes starts acting funny, at least on one occasion becoming delusional. Pat doesn’t remember any such incidents and perhaps she thinks I’m making them up just to trick her into taking the medications again. Sometimes Pat does take the medications, or not. Either way, we both feel rotten by the end of the argument.
To make things worse, there is one medication that I think is essential for her to take to resolve some serious digestive problems. Unfortunately, Pat believes that same medication actually causes those particular issues. When her symptoms do occur I‘ve made the case for her to try the medication again. No good. It’s not going to happen, Pat says. And that is that.
I’m concerned about the medication issues. I’m bothered more, though, by the breakdown of communication between us. We seem to be losing trust in our team and trust in each other.
Pat’s comments on Are We Still on the Same Team?
We have had more yelling in our arguments recently. Whether or not this is a function of not being on the same team or not I am not sure. I often feel frustrated and misunderstood. On the other hand, if I think about I can usually feel better about it.