Ch.134 “I Wonder What I’ve Missed”
April 2022
The last few days with Pat have been exciting because she’s been healthy, happy, and alert. Thanks to aggressively treating her auto-immune disorder Pat is currently wound-free and consequently pain-free. No morphine. She’s speaking in complete sentences and smiling.
Tonight, my son Joshua and his wife Patty brought one of their dogs, a black mongrel mistakenly named Serenity, to Pat’s room. Pat petted Serenity and enjoyed her presence. She also petted our collie Levi, actively reaching out to him as well. Pat told Patty and Joshua that she was doing well. Additionally, Pat was clearly moved when I showed her a locket I’d found today, one that opens to show pictures of her parents and baby Patricia.
After Joshua and Patty departed, I mentioned that Joshua had been coming to see her frequently despite his busy teaching schedule. Pat looked surprised, so I tried to remind her that Joshua had come just yesterday and stayed. But Pat wasn’t reminded; she had no memory of his previous visit.
I noticed Pat looking wistful a couple minutes later. I asked her what she was thinking about. “I wonder what I’ve missed?” was her reply.
Pat and I have a long-made commitment to honesty, so I didn’t try to minimize her concern. We talked together about how Lewy Body has robbed Pat of her memories and how alleviating her pain from bullous pemphigoid with morphine has sometimes kept her from perceiving reality. We cried a little. Here was another bittersweet situation: at this moment in time Pat was alert enough cognitively and emotionally to be aware that she has missed a lot in previous moments. We’ve had many similar bittersweet experiences in the four years we’ve been dealing with Lewy Body.
Tomorrow I’m bringing a restaurant meal to The Refuge; Pat and I will have a private lunch in her/our room. It will be something to remember.
Pat’s comments on “I Wonder What I’ve Missed.”
Ron to Pat: “Do you still wonder what you’ve missed?”
Pat: [No response]
Ron to Pat: “Do you remember eating together last night?”
Pat: “No, I don’t.”