Ch.57 One Year Anniversary of Ron’s Heart Stent Operation
Today is May 23, 2020, exactly one year after I received my unexpected heart stent operation. I began today by sending my children the following e-mail:
Thank you, Jenny for coming right away to the hospital to stay with Pat while I was taken to the operating room. Thank you, Joshua, for staying with Pat that night when she was so scared. Thank you, Cindy, for staying at the hospital overnight with me and getting help when I was in pain. Today is a good day to be alive.
My greatest concern that day as I was wheeled into the operating room was what would happen to Pat if I died? Who would take care of her? My greatest concern after the successful operation was almost exactly the identical thought: Who would take care of Pat if I were to die soon? My greatest concern one year later is still the same. This is true even though I know (in my head but not my heart) that Pat can still mostly take care of herself and that our three children would band together to nurture her and meet her needs.
It’s not that I believe I am indispensable; it’s just that we have developed so many patterns basic to our mutual survival: yogurt and toast in the morning; early morning medications; 1-2 hour country drives almost every day for spiritual sustenance; grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch; Pat’s evening insulin shot that I administer, etc. I cannot envision what Pat’s life would be like if I weren’t around to share all these routines.
Obviously, the solution is to stay alive. I’m doing all I can to do exactly that. I exercise regularly. I eat reasonably carefully. Since I’m writing in Covid-19 time, staying home and letting our children shop for us is also part of my and our survival plan.
Still, I worry. What if… Who would…?
Pat’s Comments on One Year Anniversary of Ron’s Heart Stent Operation.
I am so grateful you are alive. What I’m aware of is that you have become more kind since the operation.
I could become more responsible if you would let me. I love you and I would like to take as good care of you as you do of me but it is awfully hard to get out of the other role of being the one being taken care of. I would like to know when and how I could take better care of you, but I don’t think you would tell me.