Ch 51 Many Small Frustrations
Pat has become frustrated with me several times in the last few days. Sometimes she wants me to do something such as checking road conditions in the midst of a snow storm with the hope we’ll be able to sneak in a trip to town; at other times she cannot understand something I’ve done like crossing out an activity on our calendar because I had put that entry in the wrong place. Sometimes she raises her voice a little; at other times she says something under her breath. I tend to take offense after receiving a few of these reactions. I feel that she is criticizing me when I have done nothing wrong.
Today, though, I’ve tried to think about these events from the perspective of someone with Lewy Body. I think I can see how I could become frustrated about the many small things that I used to be able to do myself or understand that have now become difficult. For instance, now I can check our state’s road conditions on the computer. But what if my Lewy Body causes me to become confused when I try to use it? That’s frustrating enough but then I must ask someone else to go on the computer for me if I still want information. That means I must depend on you to go on the computer and if you don’t feel like doing it right at this time, I might easily become frustrated.
The calendar is another source of frustration. What if I could see a whole month laid out in front of me but I couldn’t quite sort out what was happening this week from last week or next week’s activities? I’d need to ask for your help even though I know I should be able to figure things out myself. I think I’d feel embarrassed about having to ask and probably quick to become a little defensive.
I think the core problem, then, is this: “I used to be able to do these things by myself and I hate having to ask for help now.” So maybe I could not react as strongly when Pat shows her frustration. It’s not me, it’s Lewy Body, that Pat is frustrated with.
Pat’s comments on “Many Small Frustrations.” I’m sure Ron has many small frustrations with me because I don’t track as well as I used to. I might see something and think it’s settled and the next time I see it I want to settle it all over again. When I can’t get a response that is helpful to me I can get grouchy and defensive. I know I don’t know as much as Ron about the computer (or the tv for that matter) but I don’t like having to ask for help for something a second or third time. Then I get very frustrated with myself, not just Ron. I try often to say I’m sorry, too.
It would be really nice if people could understand that people with Lewy Body are doing the best they can.