Ch.31. “I Know You are my Husband because You are Wearing the Same Shirt.”
Awkward moment. Pat says: “I don’t think I’ve been hallucinating much, have I?” I answer: “Well, this morning you told me there was another Ron in the living room.” “That’s crazy,” she says, “There’s only one of you.” She doesn’t remember anything at all about saying that.
This interaction took place about one month ago. Then yesterday morning she asked me where the other Ron Potter-Efron was. I replied that I am the only such person. She began to insist that there was another one somewhere around here, but then she stopped herself, looked at my plaid shirt, and said “I know you are my husband Ron because you are wearing the same shirt.”
Pat says her great fear is that I will leave her. Either I will just walk away, or I’ll put her in a memory care unit. My great fear is that one day she will simply not recognize me anymore. I don’t want to become a stranger in her life. I don’t want to have to compete for Pat’s love and attention with other Rons. Now I understand that Pat would never want that to happen. And I also realize that Lewy Body Disease is less predictable than Alzheimer’s Disease, during which such identity loss is common. But there are no guarantees. We are not in control. The worst could happen. One way or another, both our fears could come true.
As you may have already realized, our two fears are identical. We are each terrified of losing our “til death do you part” bond well before death.
Pat’s comments on “I Know You are my Husband because You are Wearing the Same Shirt.”
I also recognize that my comment about his wearing the same shirt embodies exactly the same thing, that you are still here and I am still here with you. ADDED NOTE: Dec.30, 2019. Pat and I are singing together. She tells me that “You have a good voice. That other Ron has a terrible voice.” Hmm.